I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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