OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
