I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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