I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
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you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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