Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
