I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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