If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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