it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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