I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You were trust falling into bushes
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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