I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
