i was rollin on her like bob the builder
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
