My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
