The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
