i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
