Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
