She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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