I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
