Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
