I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I need to calm my uterus...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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