i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
