Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
