You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
