Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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