All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
