I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
