My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize