She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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