I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
