3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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