It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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