fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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