hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
