remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think i have two assholes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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