Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I cockslap morals
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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