Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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