nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
