mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
