How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
