nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
