dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
