so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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