Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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