the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
