I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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