then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
