And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
