it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
