Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
