Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
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I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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