I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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