I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
