My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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