She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
