I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
