matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
