Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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