did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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