there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We're too hungover to prance.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
