How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
