I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
