if you like me you must not know who I am
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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