So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
