Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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