"it" just moved
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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